"Abandoned"

Written by Robert E. Bailes

Dealing With Abandonment

Can you think of a time when you were abandoned in life? Maybe it was by a parent or friend or maybe it was even by a spouse. You may have felt like it but you were not alone in this very unpleasant situation in your life. You may be going through this right now! Take heart my friend. It has happened millions of times down through history and we have most likely all experienced it in some fashion in our lives. It is an experience that I can testify to as one that people never forget. It isn't easy to get past those feelings of anger, hate and revenge.

If you have felt these feelings before, I know how you felt and I understand your feelings. When you are in the storms of life and the waves call out to you, reminding you of the times that you tried before and failed, you can remember that we all are human and that we all have feelings in the middle of our disappointments that tend to linger as headlines in the memory banks of our minds. It is when the waves call out to remind you that you should listen to the voice of Truth that tells us we are forgiven and gives us hope to leave behind those feelings for a NEW Life!

It was my junior year and I was at a camp retreat that our high school had held just before the school year started. We had loaded up in buses and went up into the mountains or at least I remember there being allot of hills. It was a neat place and I was enjoying just being away from the city. Something you must know is that I grew up in the south and we were now living in the north so I didn't exactly fit in. I had a deep west Tennessee accent and when I said things, everyone just laughed. That was pretty tough being in eleventh grade and not fitting in with my peers. On top of that, some of the guys were just plain mean to each other. They thought it was cool to make cutting remarks and try to be the least caring person in the crowd. That just wasn't the way that I grew up in the country and it wasn't easy to be nice to these guys sometimes!

I guess you would call them the bad boys in the schools today. Well, these guys were always getting everyone to join in on a prank on someone that would totally embarrass them. I had learned that if I didn't say anything and remained unnoticed that no one would laugh at me or play pranks on me. I thought it was simple enough but little did I know that my time was coming.

It was late one night in the middle of the week and our cabins were secluded at one end of the campground. Everyone was getting into bed and those who had to use the bathroom would just step out behind the cabin and go wilderness style since the bathrooms were all the way over on the other side of the camp. Well, I decided to make a trip real quick out back just like everyone else did. It was pretty dark and we were very secluded like I said, so we had been running out there in whatever we were going to sleep in, which wasn't much I'll admit.

I remember our counselor, Williams I believe, who obviously was in on it too, saying as I went out the door that the lights were going off in three minutes and everyone better be in their beds. I began to count as I ran out back about to burst and I had made it back to the door of the cabin right as I reached one hundred and eighty seconds, but strangely enough the door was locked and the lights were out! I was locked out of the cabin and no one would open the door! I could hear some of them chuckling but not a single one would answer the door. I'm pretty sure that the ones who were my friends in the cabin had felt threatened so they knew better than to let me in. They didn't dare to become the next in line for these ruthless pranksters. I tried every way possible to get into the cabin but couldn't and finally I sat down outside and waited but no one ever came to open the door. I had knocked and knocked and knocked and knocked but no one would answer. Have you ever felt like this?

I had been abandoned by everyone who I had tried so hard to become friends with and fit in with. While I sat out there I tried to reason in my thought why they would do such a thing. What had I ever done to any of them to deserve this? I really was a nice, easy to get along with kind of guy (until that night of course!). Just kidding! I have to tell you that if I had had any respect for those guys before that happened, they lost it that night. It was so humiliating and degrading that I still remembered many years later like it was yesterday and I doubt that any of those guys ever thought about it again!

They might remember what I did to get revenge, but we won't talk about that right now! Like I said...I was angry and I wanted revenge as any human would by the time that night was over. After everyone fell asleep, the camp evangelist's son, Tommy, who I had become good friends with that week, opened the door to let me into the cabin, otherwise I would have sat out there all night. He had told me how he was even afraid to let me in because he didn't want to stand out in the crowd and be associated with coming to my rescue. It was through this experience that I knew as a young man of sixteen what abandonment felt like and I vowed in my heart that I would never treat anyone else like that as long as I lived. It was my first real experience with emotional pain and it left a large hole in my heart that would not heal for the next twenty-six years.

That's the first time I had really felt abandonment by friends. There were other times when I would feel this way with friends and even people I had grown to love. I know how it feels, but I came to realize that without forgiveness the burden was going to be on my back. It was through the example of Jesus in His final hours that I learned this life changing truth! Yes, it was at the age of forty-two that I came to the place where I realized that through forgiving the people who had left the holes in my heart, I could lay that burden down and embrace the NEW Life that Jesus came to give as He too forgave all of us!

He understands our hurt because He has been there too!

First Jesus was abandoned by His disciples in the garden when Jesus turned Himself over to the multitudes and then by Peter at the high priest's house. Let's read in the Gospel of Matthew,

Matthew 26:55,57 In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me. 56 But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.

The disciples saw that the multitude was going to take Jesus and they decided to get out of there while they still could.

Matthew 26:57,58 And they that had laid hold on Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. 58 But Peter followed him afar off unto the high priest's palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to see the end.

Peter even kept his distance! The disciple with the reckless faith that gave him the ability to walk on water with Jesus was now trying to blend in with the crowd. this made me think of my friend Tommy who had been afraid to let me in until after he was sure they were all asleep. I'm sure he wanted to help me but he also was more concerned about what would happen to himself if he did help. Let's read on,

Matthew 26:66-74 What think ye? They answered and said, He is guilty of death. 67 Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands, 68 Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee? 69 Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee. 70 But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou say. 71 And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth. 72 And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man. 73 And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrays thee. 74 Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.

Peter must have had an accent for them to recognize him by his speech. Maybe he was from the south! Maybe the disciples were recognized by their southern accent before and that is why they weren't so easily accepted just as I hadn't been accepted by my northern classmates! Hmm?

Those are all possibilities but one thing we know for a fact is that Jesus was alone when he was called a blasphemer! Jesus was alone when He the crowd spit in His face! Jesus was all alone when they buffeted and hit Him with the palms of their hands, mocking Him by asking Him to tell them who had hit Him if he was the Christ! Jesus was totally abandoned and no one came to help Him, as my friend finally did for me. Not only was He abandoned by all, but He was treated as a criminal without any respect by mankind!

How did Jesus handle this hurt? Did He scream and yell? Did He wish curses on his friends who had abandoned Him? Was there feelings of animosity and rage towards those who were spitting and striking Him?

Have you ever looked around when things were down in your life and everyone was gone or had something else to do when you really needed their help? Did you feel sorry for yourself or disappointment in your friends when this happened? I remember feeling all of these things and those feelings were all very natural for me to feel! I didn't have to sit there for a couple of hours and conjure up an idea of how I should feel. Those feelings came rushing into my mind and body as soon as I realized what they had done to me that night! It's easy for our human nature to take over but it is up to our spirits to forgive to experience that NEW Life in Christ.

Jesus taught us to forgive in His final moments on this earth. His forgiveness was the only way He too could heal from the suffering and disappointments. I encourage you to take a few minutes and think back in your life to the times when you were abandoned.

Next, I would like for you to talk to God about it and tell Him that you wish to heal and leave the past behind you. Forgive those who abandoned you and let God heal those holes, large or small that were put there by the times of abandonment.

Remember Jesus promise in Hebrews!

Hebrews 13:5,6 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.